A Week In My Storytelling Bunker by Tony Toledo
I’ve been holed up all week in my secret underground storytelling bunker. There’s no cell reception, electricity or donuts.
I am teaching myself how to hum in Russian, how to yawn in Armenian and how to wink in German. The last one is the hardest because in all of recorded history only three Germans have ever been known to wink. There is so little known about German winking that I fear I may fail in my goal to wink as a Deutschlander.
I may be forced to fall back on winking in Scottish which I learned in third grade from my Spanish teacher. I was never as good at winking in Scottish as Nina Schmidt. She actually makes her living now as a Scottish winking model. Her last ad for Depends adult diapers was terrific, some of the best winking I have ever seen. When I see her on TV I wink back in American (with an Ohio accent of course).
I sleep on a bed of nails which causes me to dream in technicolor on Tuesdays and Thursdays and in black and white on Wednesdays. I read standing on my head which allows the information I have gained to settle in my brain. I do jumping jacks in the dark wearing 7 pairs of socks. My third eye has 20/20 vision. My memory is rusty like an old bumper from a 1964 Nova. I can recall every banana I have ever eaten (even the one so very mushy it should have become banana bread). I drew a floor plan of my childhood home revealing all the places I won playing hide and seek. My eternal quest for the perfect pie is ongoing.
And yet I am constantly plagued by writer’s block… I just can’t come up with any good ideas.
Tony Toledo. Feb 28, 2016